


Oh, Look, I Don't Have One of These

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, Sweet but not saccharine, Team Fluff, Tony Award
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 12:50:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1388290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony wins a Tony Award. Steve had never heard of it and wonders if Tony is pulling his leg.</p><p>Turns out, no, there are some things Tony takes seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, Look, I Don't Have One of These

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on this prompt: [ Gen, Tony wins a Tony award, crack.](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/16019.html?thread=35764883)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Where are you going, all dolled up?" Steve asked when a tuxedo-clad Tony emerged from the elevator onto the Avengers communal floor right in the middle of Bob Ross's demonstration of the wet-on-wet technique to paint realistic mountains in a few minutes. "Jarvis, pause the program, please."

"Shh, hide me!" Tony crouched behind the sofa Steve was sitting on.

"Sure. Jarvis, please continue the program." Steve picked up his pad to continue taking notes, but he was watching the elevator out of the corner of his eye. He was reasonably sure there wasn't any actual danger. _Reasonably_ sure. Tony would have changed into an entirely different Suit if that was the case. But the chances of Tony having got himself into some ridiculous predicament were high. As a fellow Avenger, Steve felt it was incumbent upon him to get all the details right for later sharing with those who missed the show.

The elevator opened again, and Ms. Pepper Potts stepped out. She had on a white flowy... well, Steve would have to call it a dress, but he wasn't quite sure it didn't have some kind of technology keeping it from falling off. She was also wearing a scowl. Steve thought with the lightning decision-making skills of a trained combat leader, and wordlessly pointed over his shoulder. 

"Tony! This is one award ceremony you are not going to miss!" She marched around the couch, high-heels clacking like the jaws of angry alligators. 

Tony stood up. Steve turned around to smile at him. "Traitor," Tony told him. "Who was it who stopped the Boy Scouts from harassing you into leading a troop?"

"I don't know, Tony. Probably the same person who hinted that I was gay." Steve smiled. He really hadn't minded, because he had fun pretending not to know the current meaning of the word and making them look like idiots as they tried to tell Captain America about the gay birds and bees. 

Tony cleared his throat. "Er, yeah, that sounds likely. Peppper, I was working! This is a ridiculous award, it's not even anything about tech! I don't deserve it!"

Pepper moved close to him and tightened his bow tie, hard. Tony coughed and widened his eyes. "I know," she said, "but you're going to smile and graciously accept it. And do you know why? I'm not going to be the only one suffering tonight." Pepper smiled brightly. "These shoes are killing my feet. This dress makes me feel like I'm naked in public."

"But it doesn't show off that cute little mole..." Tony said. He squawked as her hand cinched the tie even tighter. "I mean, you look great. Really." He rolled his eyes in Steve's direction. "Help?"

Steve stood up. He put his hand on Tony's shoulder. "In the face of superior forces, surrender is an honorable option." He patted Tony once and then lifted his hand. "Enjoy your awards ceremony." He knew how much Tony hated sitting still for anything. "What one is it anyway?"

Pepper dragged Tony off to the elevator by his tie. She said, "The Tony Awards. It's being televised live." The elevator shut.

"The Tony Awards? Wow. Hey, Jarvis, what are the Tony Awards? Did he really have an award named for himself?"

"The official name of the award is the Antoinette Perry Award for Excellence in Theatre, more specifically for live Broadway theatre. As the award was first presented in 1947, Mr. Stark had no influence in its naming."

"Huh." Steve knew Tony was dramatic, but when did he have time to act on stage? "Tell me when the award ceremony is about to start. In the meantime, run Mr. Ross's show back to the beginning. I want to see how he did that trick with the house painting brush."

 

"Captain," Jarvis said.

Steve looked up. He was in the middle of an interesting exercise in sunlight through the leaves in a forest and had forgot about the awards ceremony. "Oh, it's time? Run it, please." 

 

Turned out, they held the Tony Awards in Radio City Music Hall, which had retained the charm he remembered, and the host, a Hugh Jackman, even had a sort of nagging familiarity that he couldn't quite place, so that gave him something to puzzle over. They had songs and skits and some of the presenters even tried their hands at humor. He didn't get all the jokes, but he suspected some just plain weren't funny. There were plenty of beautiful women in dresses that showed a lot of skin, which in Steve's opinion would have been sexier if they hadn't looked quite so... fake, like dressed up dolls.

"What'cha watchin', Cap?" Clint came in and flopped onto the couch.

"The Tony Awards. Tony's won one, and I want to find out what it's for."

"That sounds so weird." Clint held his hand up. "Hey, Nat, did you know Tony's getting a Tony?"

Natasha tossed a bag of chips at Clint that he caught without looking, and followed with a bowl of dip that she put down on the table in front of the couch before joining them. "Well, I knew he could sing." They all looked at her. "It's a long story. He was drunk. I was baby sitting him. Singing was a good distraction to keep him from staring at my boobs."

"How was he?" Steve asked, snagging some chips and dip. 

Natasha shrugged and wiggled her hand. "Not bad." She raised her voice. "Bruce, why don't you join us?"

"How do you do that?" Bruce said as he walked around the couch and found enough space to sit. Clint handed him the chips.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you," Natasha said solemnly. Then she smirked. "You were reflected in the TV."

"Oh, well, I'm disappointed. I thought it was something clever," Bruce said. "Is that sour cream and onion?"

"Yes." Nat pushed the dip towards him. "This is why Sherlock Holmes doesn't tell people how he arrives at a deduction. We lose the air of mystery."

Steve shook his head. "Never." He looked around the room. "Where's Thor?"

"Skyping with Jane," Natasha said, and this time no one asked how she knew.

"Oh." Steve had accidentally overheard a few of their conversations. He felt his ears warm at the memory. Thor was... exuberant. He decided that Thor probably wouldn't be interested in watching Tony get an entertainment award. Asgardian honors ceremonies were a lot more _seriously_ dramatic, he gathered. "Um, Jarvis," Steve said after a while, when the novelty of 'Best' after 'Best' wore off and he had stopped pretending that some monster was going to attack the award ceremony and liven it up, "how long is this show?"

"Three hours, Captain."

Steve let his head fall back onto the couch. "Ouch. And Tony's got to sit in the audience the whole time?"

"That is indeed the protocol. Award candidates are seated in the front rows, and movement would be disruptive."

Yeah, Steve had seen the cameras sweeping over the glamorously dressed people, sitting tensely and holding hands with a companion, for the most part. He'd seen glimpses of Tony and Pepper, smiling and 'schmoozling', but he'd bet ten bucks that Pepper had been jabbing Tony in the ankles with her pointy heels to keep him from bolting. "Wait. 'Candidate'? Pepper said he'd won."

"Presumably, the award is one of the non-competitive ones," Jarvis said. "Not performance related. Sometimes they are awarded for charitable works."

Natasha said, "And if they knew anything about Tony, they'd know the only way to guarantee his appearance would be to tell Pepper."

Clint nodded and got up. "I'm going to get more snacks. They'll probably stick the fluff awards at the end."

Bruce was snoring. Steve was tempted to put Bob Ross back on again, but damn it, he'd started this, and he'd stick it out.

 

An hour later, Steve just closed his eyes for a minute.

 

"AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!" Tony shouted.

"WHAT?" Steve rolled off the couch, instinctively reaching for his shield, but what his hand hit was rounded, and yielding. Oh god, if that was Natasha's bosom... he opened his eyes and was relieved to find he'd only been groping Bruce's ass. Bruce frowned at him from the floor. "Sorry, Bruce." Steve had been having a nice dream about... a Busby Berkeley musical, only the starlets were all wearing Iron Man red, and their kaleidoscopes were flying around, shooting holes in a starry ceiling while he ran around with a net underneath. Mmm, not such a good dream after all.

"What are you guys doing here all puppy-piling on the couch? Oooh, chips!" Tony dumped his shiny new trophy on the table. He sat down and tugged his bow tie loose, peeled out of his tuxedo coat, and kicked off his shoes, which Steve noticed were bright red running shoes. 

Steve took advantage of Tony's distraction to pick up the Tony. Above a black glass base it had a medallion bearing the comedy and tragedy masks, mounted on a silvery, not quite three-quarter circle, swivel. He swiveled the medallion to read the inscription on the back, aloud. "Tony Stark, Special Tony Award."

"They give out awards for being special?" Clint asked.

"No," Tony said smugly, "only for being Special Tonys." He looked at the TV. "You guys stayed up to watch me? I'm touched. I'm starving, too. Did Thor leave any of the chicken tikka masala? Stupid question, of course not." Tony stuffed the last few chips in his mouth and then bounced up. "I'd hang around with you, but I'm pretty sure Pepper's gonna need help with her zipper. Good night!" And he was back in the elevator heading up to the level he shared with Pepper, leaving behind his coat, shoes, bow tie, and Tony.

"Did anyone see when Tony got his award?"

There was a mutual silent chorus of no. They could stay awake for days on end, if there was need, but being warm, comfortable and safely surrounded by their friends... well, it wasn't the first time Tony's ridiculously comfortable couch had put them to sleep.

Steve looked over the award. It didn't say anything else, except the year. Now he really was curious. "Jarvis, can you..." he said, making a revolving motion with his hand, "rewind the ceremony so we can see Tony getting his award?" He wasn't sure exactly how Jarvis worked, but he usually got what he asked for, even if sometimes he was sorry he asked.

"Of course, Captain." 

There was a burst of applause from the TV. The camera shifted from the smiling presenter to Tony and Pepper, sitting in the front row, off to the left side. Tony gave Pepper a quick kiss, and squeezed her hands, before bouncing up to the stage, _dancing_ in time to some music. Wiggling his ass, and bouncing. "Oh, my God," Steve said. "He's got an Iron Man gauntlet on." He sat down heavily on the couch.

Tony went up to the podium and held up one finger, letting the repulsor glow highlight his grin. "Question number one! How much do you love theater?"

The audience shouted.

He nodded and held up another finger once the noise had died down. "Question number two! How much do you love me?"

The volume of the response was redoubled.

Tony laughed, and held up three fingers. "Final question! How much do you love the Avengers?"

The audience rose, a few at a time, and then all of them, on their feet, and applauding and shouting so loud Steve wondered that Tony wasn't blown back from the podium.

Tony nodded again once he'd waved them to silence. "Iron Man wasn't alone out there, the day those uncultured aliens tried to smash Broadway. I thank you for this honor, but I gotta say, I'm taking this baby," he said while picking up the Tony with his other hand, "back to Avengers' Tower, and correcting the inscription. The Avengers are a team. We did it together, as a team." He took a bow and walked off the podium. Pepper met him as he descended the small flight of stairs, and she kissed him, the pride in her face making Steve feel a little funny. But in a good way.

The TV went dark and silent.

Steve picked up the Tony and smiled. "As a team," he said.


End file.
